I am tired. This post will not be eloquent, nor comprehensive of everything I want to express right now. It will be terse and limited, because I honestly do not know what to say. Emotionally, physically, and mentally, I am burnt through, and though I feel as if there is nothing I can say, I feel the need to say something.
I let myself down.
As a progressive, I played a role in the vilification of conservatives, and created an enemy I was not ready to face.
Donald Trump’s platform is one that holds the power to destroy everything that I cherish about this nation. His presidency poses a threat to my very national identity, and I must admit that I am to blame for that reality.
I had so many ideas and hopes of my own in mind that I failed to pursue any understanding of my brothers and sisters who had different viewpoints than mine. I failed to communicate. I failed to learn. I failed to receive and witness. I failed to love my neighbor.
I should have done more to express my concerns in a way that wasn’t so polarized toward those who already agreed with me. I should have done more to understand why people in my home country have different values than my own, and I should have put forth more effort in understanding the worth in those values.
I am the Levite who passed by the Samaritan as he lay abandoned, face in the dirt, unable to breathe in anything but the pain that consumed him. I was distracted, and ultimately wrapped up in self-righteousness. I passed by, thinking that my political and theological objectives were more important than his pain. I failed to love my neighbor, because I was too wrapped up in understanding the enemy of my neighbor as my neighbor, and I became absorbed in the idea that ignoring one neighbor for the sake of another was my calling.
I have failed in that I have minimized the grace I owed to those with whom I disagree politically and theologically. And it is because of people like me, who have polarized our enemies instead of reaching out to them, and loving them where they are; engaging in productive and mutual discourse about our different understands of God’s love, that a fear monger, someone who promises to attack the diversity and richness of my nation, has become president.
I’m sorry for my blindness, for my pride, and for my neglect. I hope I learn from my mistakes.